On action
and (sometimes) stupidity
With its dilapidated and dark layout, Ally’s apartment wasn’t much to behold. Any whisper of natural light was cannibalized by the boxy layout of the crooked hallways, or smothered by the thick dust caked on the wallpapers.
As she glanced through her only bedroom window, Ally tried to break through the layers of dirt and grime. Her memories bounced back and forth, between the few and far moments she actually remembered with her father — and the gaps that haphazardly knotted each memory together, weaved with anger and yearning.
Still, she walked through life — somehow always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Every person faces a point in their life when its imperative to decide:
Commit.
Walk.
My frame of reference is clouded by that of a small (tiny) business owner, pulled in a million directions — starting the day with a list of 10, crossing off 4, and walking away with 20. SMB maths is in session.
It’s funny: When I first started, I thought about quitting almost daily. A few years in now, and the thoughts of giving up are far and few in between. I suppose they never truly go away.
I’m not quite sure what to make about it. The rollercoaster highs feel prophetic when the planets align, but the subsequent crash always brings me down to hell Earth.
Still, I keep wading through the bullshit, failing along the way — but failing forward.
On July 25th 2025, the weather in Laguna Beach (CA) was ~ 75°F, low humidity, and clear skies. It was the ideal Summer weather to escape from the NYC heat wave, and arguably the perfect weather & location for our engagement shoots.
If someone asked me to describe Laguna Beach, I’d say its how the spiritually ambiguous would describe Heaven. The waves crash on the beach in a rhythmic splashing, criss-crossing and tumbling towards people. It looked like a dream.
It was on July 25th 2025, at Laguna Beach, approximately 7pm, that I did possibly the stupidest thing I’ve ever done in my life (so far).
Towards the end of our engagement shoot, while the sunset painted itself down the horizon, our photographer instructed us to prep for the video segment. It was also the same moment that a bright blue swim suit caught my attention from the corner of my right eye.
In the same half a second that I turned my head to get a full view of the blue dot in the water, my brain kicked into 5th gear. By the time I had taken in my field of vision, the decision tree in my mind was already complete. It went something like this:
Bright blue swimsuit, arms waving - huh?
Oh god. Screaming. Head afloat. Drowning. Niece’s age. Is that her?
Life guard? No, too late. 911? Maybe, delayed, get bad real fast. No time.
Do nothing and live with myself? No go → Rip tides. Swim parallel.
Go go go run run run. Shirt off. Pants off. Go go go.
As I rushed into the water towards Bright Blue, I realized a few things. For starters, they were not very far out from the beach — however, it became crystal clear only after I was engulfed by the water that there was a significant drop off in the sand. I was scared. Still I kept swimming, half realizing that I wasn’t a good swimmer and that I probably shouldn’t get too close lest she drag me down to stay up.
Upon reaching her and extending my arm, she yells that she’s drowning and didn’t want to die — in half anger and spite, I told her that wasn’t going to happen and to grab my arm while I pulled her towards me; reminding her (& myself) to swim parallel to the shore. I’m not sure how it happened while I tried to stay afloat, but at some point in the middle of our exchange, a wave slammed us closer to the shoreline and another man managed to grab the girl up to safety.
I could feel the sand at my feet and for a moment I figured I was ok, until the next wave lunged me forward and twirled me back into the water. It’s difficult to describe the series of thoughts in my mind — but imagine you’re in a bad dream where no matter how hard you swim towards land, you keep getting pulled back. I gained a lot of respect for the ocean, and mother nature, at that moment.
Man is stupid and everything he does will turn to dust, we are small and insignificant in the grand scheme, and all of our humanly creations will be for nothing. Everything is stupid.
The next wave brought me back to grabbing sand, and as I tried to get my bearings, half aware that another wave could swallow me again — a strong grab quickly pulled me up and back to shore. I was physically exhausted and out of breath.
My ordeal lasted only a couple of minutes (if that) but it felt like a whole body workout, my legs were quivering. The day ended as anti-climactic as any regular weekday. We were late for a dinner with family. I stayed up a few hours before bed thinking about all the ways that could have gone wrong.
My wife and her mother gifted me a silver Ayatul Kursi (Islamic prayer/verse) pendant over a year ago, I’ve barely taken it off since I put it on. It was the only thing I had in the water. I’d like to think God has bigger plans for us and July 2025’s moment was not my time, and so we will still keep going forward together until the music stops.
To my wife, in defense of my moments of stupidity — I can promise you only 2 things in our lifetime together: I’ll never stop trying, and you’ll never be bored. I love you <3